Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
