Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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