I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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