I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
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That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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