Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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