would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
