You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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