Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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