Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
