Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
