Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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