there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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