i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
