We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
