apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
