it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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