There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
