Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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