So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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