So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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