Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
