i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
