Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
