Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
