New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize