i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
