I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
