The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
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I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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