based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So many bounce houses so little time
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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