she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
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apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
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If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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