I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
