i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
