this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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