my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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