Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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