Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
