i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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