I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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