i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
