Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
