Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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