I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
