Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
