I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
