I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
