Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
