the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
