If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
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I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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