Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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