i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
