the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
FUCK WHALES
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
