dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
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He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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