If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
