I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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