You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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