my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
