4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
