I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
