I'm jealous of your bromance
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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