i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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