you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
