I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
