A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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