woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
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She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
how drunk are you?
Several
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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