Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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