i already hear my dad disowning me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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